november 1st: autumn sweaters and daylight savings time

this is either one long poem or four short poems, but i'll call it four short poems so i don't have to apologize for its length.
by:

the erin bird

I.

through the speakers
yo la tengo is trying to tell me
something about autumn

something

but i'm not listening.
i'm looking out the window at the red trees
and the green green grass
and the sky that is
already getting darker
already, and it's only 5:30.

II.

we turn our clocks back
and we grin
we pump our fists
armed an extra hour of sleep
just one extra hour,
just one morning

i would rather sleep an extra hour
every afternoon instead
i'd rather take longer naps
than have to go outside by myself
in the evening, when it's dark

but oh how these seasons change
in the same exact way, year after year after year

III.

this yo la tengo song has nothing to do with autumn,
not really
and neither does this poem
but they're saying the same things

"but it's a waste of time
it's a waste of time if i can't smile easily"

but what's a waste of time
when we're already losing time
and daylight as we head on into winter

(but at least we're well rested)

i sit and stare out the window
as heavy shoes crunch throughwet leaves
as the days and months pass by to leave me thinking
'where has this year gone?'
already, and it's only november
as my feet take steps backwards
pulling my body farther and farther away from yours
as every kid in every desk around me
goes home to fill out college applications
furiously, to write essays i haven't thought about
just yet

IV.

KODAK MOMENT:
here, frame the shot with your disposable camera
this is me, in november
and i'm getting up from the lunch table
to walk and sit in the library until the bell rings
because the girls i used to laugh with
don't laugh along with me anymore
because i can't stand to stand
in the same room with you
with you ignoring me

when only the week before i'd wait for you
to come up and walk me to my next class

(oh the trivalities of high school romance!
it wasn't like that though, i promise
i walked with my head up holding my own books)

this is me in november,
almost two years away
from where we started.
and i think the reason i am so scared
is because

i can't tell if i feel any different
and i feel as if i should

"i'll try hard, i'll try always,
but it's a waste of time,
it's a waste of time if i can't smile easily
like in the beginning"