why should you have to ask permission to sleep in your own bed?

erin

-

every night that I stand next to the bed
I make every morning
for appearances only
I feel tired.

I smooth down the sheets
and adjust the pillows carefully
so you will be as comfortable
as possible

to then march down the stairs
blanketed in a silence
that is not defeaning
in its unyielding strength
but pathetic in its defeat.
it is a silence as vacant
as the weight of
every empty room

and I take my place
on the couch
to fix my eyes on the ceiling
and imagine
that I can hear the steady rhythm
of your breathing,
rising and falling

to think of what I would never say:
"I am rising and I am falling
every second that I spend awake
that you spend
so easily in sleep"